Let’s face it: if you’re reading this, you probably already know that infertility treatments can
seriously impact your libido. It’s hard to keep the spark alive when sex starts to feel more like a
clinical task than an intimate connection. But here’s the thing—you’re not alone. Whether you’re
in a heterosexual or same-sex relationship, infertility treatments can put stress on your emotional
and physical closeness. Yet, the love and bond that brought you to this point of wanting to build
a family together is still there, and preserving that connection is more important than ever.
So how do you stay sexually and emotionally connected when everything else seems to revolve
around lab tests, ovulation kits, and doctor’s appointments? Whether you’re navigating infertility
in a heterosexual or same-sex partnership, these four tips can help you stay close, even when the
journey gets tough.
1. Make Room for Sex Outside of the “Fertile Window”
When trying to conceive, it’s easy for sex to become all about baby-making. Between ovulation
cycles, timing, and charts, it can start to feel more like a job than a moment of connection. But
here’s the good news: making time for intimacy outside of the "fertile window" can work
wonders. Whether you're trying with donor sperm, undergoing IVF, or exploring other fertility
options, setting aside time for sex that’s not focused on conception can help you reconnect
emotionally and physically. This time should be about your bond—not about hitting a specific
target. The goal is to make space for sex that feels loving, playful, and focused on each other.
2. Have Fun with It
It might sound cliché, but sometimes you need to bring the fun back into the bedroom. Infertility
can sometimes make us feel disconnected from our sexual selves, but introducing a playful
element can lighten the mood and reduce pressure. Whether it’s trying something new, like
costumes or a sexy game, or just letting go of the need for perfection, having fun helps remind
you both that intimacy isn’t just about making a baby—it’s about keeping the joy alive in your
relationship. No matter your sexual orientation, rediscovering your playful side is a wonderful
way to reconnect.
3. Enjoy Non-Sexual Intimacy Together
The emotional intimacy you share is just as important as the physical. Take time to do things you
both enjoy that don’t involve sex. Maybe it’s cooking dinner together, going for a walk, binge-
watching a show, or simply talking about your dreams and frustrations. These little moments
help remind you both of the foundation of your relationship: love, trust, and companionship.
Infertility can sometimes make you feel more like co-parents than romantic partners, so
intentionally spending time together without the expectation of sex can keep the emotional bond
strong. This applies no matter what kind of relationship you’re in—finding joy in the small, non-
sexual moments can bring you closer.
4. Be Open and Vulnerable with Each Other
Infertility comes with a lot of heavy emotions: fear, sadness, guilt, and even frustration. These
feelings can put a strain on any relationship, but they can especially make intimacy feel out of
reach. Whether you’re a heterosexual or same-sex couple, being open and vulnerable with each
other is essential. It’s important to create a safe space to talk about how you’re really feeling,
even if those feelings are messy or hard to express. Sometimes, just knowing that your partner
shares your struggles and emotional pain can make you feel less alone. This emotional
vulnerability will deepen your intimacy and help you face the challenges of infertility as a team.
Going through infertility treatments can be one of the hardest things a couple faces. But it’s also
an opportunity to grow stronger together. By prioritizing both physical and emotional intimacy,
taking time to have fun, and being open with each other about your feelings, you’ll create a
deeper connection that can weather the ups and downs of this journey.
Remember: your relationship is about more than just building a family. It’s about the love,
respect, and partnership that have brought you this far—and those things will keep you
grounded, no matter what.
With love and support,
Molly Kubinski, L.Ac.